i can stare into the deep void of apparently empty space filling the shadows inside my mind and almost disregard the truth, that there's just so much more to it.
and that's something i've always found most fascinating about the universe we've somehow come along in. the black void we see as empty space is actually anything but.
it's the dark matter we just can't see with our eyes.
the past few weeks have found me depressed in ways i can't describe but not because i haven't tried. though, perhaps i was trying in all the wrong ways.
i've spent considerable effort throwing off the possible, ignoring the potential, dismissing the predetermined. i've spent considerable effort focusing on the very cold, hard logistics of it all, accepting the reality that has become my life, somehow.
i can close my eyes and feel the webs spinning all around me. i can close my eyes and bask in the glow of the plans and hopes and dreams you've all had and tried to live through me. i can close my eyes and picture myself succeeding and then just do it.
but the potential, the possible, the predetermined, it's all every bit the charade as any apparent void i choose to accept instead.
there was a fork in the road and i took the other way.
who knows how long ago it happened or how or why. the perfect storm of circumstance came and left without us ever hearing the bang. what's left is this.
one last go.
i'm exhausted.
but, for now, i'm alive. i'm awake. and i'm on the move.
so throw your ears to the wall and listen for that shred of hope. back me and i'll give it one last go.
trust in me and i'll finish the fight.
just know it's not for me, but you.
i'll go until i stop.
i'll do it for you.
i'll do it on fumes.
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