there's something i've heard in a few spy/action flicks that i've always wanted to say. it happens when an agent decides to go into hiding and cease further communication for an indefinite amount of time.
i'm going dark.
ok...not for long. but i'm taking a few days off to relax a bit and finish the final chapter revisions i've been putting off for a few weeks. i also now have to find a new agent because of health issues, evidently. anyone who wishes to contribute to my stephen-drinks-his-sorrows-away-this-week fund, feel free to mail a bottle of Tormore my way. single malt. 12 year. much appreciated, thanks =) should you wish to reach me, just hit me up via email. stephen@stephenchurchill.com
all that said, i couldn't leave you guys for a few days or week or however long without even a half-assed shot across the bow, right? here goes nothing.
there's a tagline that i've always hated and i never knew why until last night. "what happens in vegas stays in vegas." it's just so fucking demeaning. and not just because it implies that bored housewives and bachelor accountants can escape from reality and party it up like they're in all the frats and sororities they wish they'd joined in college, though many do and it's sad to see. but it's demeaning because it implies that we can just walk away from our transgressions and hide our flaws from the worlds we all choose to live in. and that's just not right. you should never run from your past, but embrace it. get in front of it.
my father once told me that when i was a kid, out of my whole family, i was the sweet one. i was the good one, the one that would change the world around him with his heart because it really was just so big and open. somewhere along the way, i lost that. i have thrown away more opportunities and walked away from more talents and passions than mostly anyone i've ever known, whether in football or music or writing or school or professionally. i have lost myself in addiction and more than once. in doing all that, i pushed the closest people in my life as far from me as i could. i've cheated and stolen away my time and love and respect from those closest to me.
i've lost.
but i've loved. i've shared. i've created.
how can any man who's never tasted defeat, at his own hands or another's, truly ever appreciate the sweet tastes of success and passion and love?
more importantly, how can someone who hides from their past and keeps their weaknesses a secret ever truly define what love is to them?
you have to get in front of the bad, and the good.
this is my story.
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